Teach Kids to See the Mess
I hear from so many parents, “I want to teach kids to see the mess.” Many kids (and adults for that matter) are good at doing what they are told, but it’s the next skill level to do what is needed automatically.
As parents, our primary goal isn’t to take care of kids but rather to train and equip adults to be successful. Being able to see a job and know how to do it is something we all need to know how to do. We are setting our kids up for success if we show them how to independently know how to see a dirty room and move it to be clean. Here is how I’ve been teaching my kids.
Level #1 Work Together
From the time they were old enough to play, I’ve had them help me clean up when they are done playing. The biggest problem parents run into is letting their kids trash out their playroom and then asking them to clean it up with no pointers. The kid gets overwhelmed and starts crying and then everyone is too stressed to do anything productive.
Level #1 is turning on the “Clean Up Song” and working together until the job is done. Starting when it’s just a little messy rather than being overwhelming is really helpful
Set them up for success by
- Having a place where things go
- Making sure the trash and broken toys are thrown away
- Start when the mess is small
- A cleaning music playlist
Level #2 I Spy
My favorite way to help them start scanning a clean room to find detailed mess is by playing “I Spy.” Once we are nearly done, or while I’m out cleaning the house and find one of their toys I’ll call out, “I spy with my little eye Batman (or fill in whichever toy is out.)” Then when they find that I “spy” another toy, until I run out of stuff and we are both done.
Sometimes there is a reward for working together, other times I give a high five or verbal encouragement when they’ve found the toy. The key is for it to remain lighthearted and a game, not stressful.
Set them up for success by
- Using a playful voice.
- Starting with things that are easy to find.
- Start when things are mostly clean.
Level #3 Specific but Open-Ended Job
Once they have mastered the basic skills they are still not ready to be told “pick up your room” on a day it’s completely trashed out. Instead, I give them a specific but open-ended task. This teaches them to find a starting place and then to begin. It also helps them to learn to focus on one thing before moving on to the next thing.
These are some of my favorites
- Pick up everything red
- Pick up all the blocks (nothing else just find the blocks)
- Just pick up 15 things (times 3 kids that’s a lot picked up)
Level #4 Make a List
Many people when walking into a room don’t know where to start. We start by giving our kids their “Morning Routine” and “Evening Routine” in picture form. As they get older they can refer to a written list and check things off. This is what my husband asked for when learning to deep clean the house, and it’s also what I refer to when I know I want to deep clean room, but don’t know where to start.
Level #5 Expect but Inspect
Once they’ve done the other three levels it’s time to see what they can do. Start by not abandoning them on really messy days. But if there is a day with a moderate mess ask them to clean up. Always follow up with an inspection. My husband tells them, “You’re not done until I release you.” A saying I’ve heard in several places is “Don’t expect what you don’t inspect.”
Come in to check at the end as a helper rather than a critic. If they say they are done and you come in to find mess around still, I usually pull out one of the games above and ask, “Can you each find 5 (or 15) more things?”
Troubleshooting
- Kids with ADHD can’t remember what it “should” look like. it’s helpful to provide photos of how it should look.
- Kids who don’t want to help. We have a couple of phrases: “We all work as a team.” or “In this family, we honor God by caring for what we have been given!
