Communication and Help
Have you ever been so tired, especially postpartum, that communication fails you. You don’t even know how to ask for what you need. Your husband offers help, but you don’t know what to say, or a friend says, “If you need anything, just let me know.” and your mind goes blank.
A New Way for Communication
The Communication Numbers Chart is there to help you figure out what could be helpful when help is offered. Just look at the list of feeling words, and the descriptions of the body feeling that goes with it. Then, in the third row you will find a list of things that could be helpful. Better yet, make a copy for your partner, then ask them instead of asking, “How are you doing?” ask “What number are you at.” This will give them the idea of what is going on in your body and mind with out having to try to find the right words.
The biggest hurdle for you will be not to feel guilty for asking help. I got asked this question in stories several times as I was making it. And the answer is “You are normal!” and “It’s okay to be a 1 some days.” We are all human and are dealing with a sacred responsibility of caring for precious little ones. Some days every ounce of our emotions are given to help them regulate theirs. Honestly, if you have more than one child and have never been at a one I may be more concerned. When you’re “ALL IN” as a mom, you’re going to be tired.
(And don’t forget about the Gospel of motherhood …)
What if I’m a One Everyday
BUT you can’t be at a ONE everyday!! Living below three for any length of time is also called BURNOUT. Or it could be a sign you need some medical attention, or a therapist to talk to regularly to help you figure out what’s wrong and how you can change it. If you feel like that’s where you are at, email me, and we can talk. I’ve been there too. It doesn’t have to last forever!!
What if I have no one to Help me?
As I talked and interviewed hundreds of women on my Instagram, I started hearing a theme. Many of you are not able to receive help from your husbands. Your husbands travel for work; are doing manual labor and are depleted themselves when they come home; or some are just unwilling to help. My heart went out to these women, who really have to rely on themselves to make their own days better. But in the course of the conversation, I figured out a solution. I asked what each of you to encourage yourselves, and lift yourselves up on a bad day.
That lead to me making a second chart for the days where you have to take your own life in hand and make things better for yourselves. These charts are best both used together, but if you can only use this one, you’re the reason I put the time in to make this. Just kidding, I’m super excited to use this second chart for myself too.
The Goal is Not to be a 10
An Important Note — The goal for this second chart isn’t to get your self to a 10!! Figure out which number you are CURRENTLY at and then use the steps to try to get ONE number better!! Improving your day by one number by bedtime helps set you up for a better day the next day because it gives you a small win!!
If you find you’re at a one, and nothing that anyone is doing can ever get you above a 3 it maybe time to think about getting some professional help. Our society likes to make mental health help and therapy dirty words, but the Bible says, “In a multitude of counselors, there is safety.” Sometimes pastors and friends want to be helpful, but sometimes they are just super overwhelmed with needs.
Counselors and therapists have been trained to give emotional support, and it is their whole job to do that. They will have the time and energy to help guide you into a place where you can joyfully mother your children. This chart isn’t to take the place of professional help!
Help is on the Way!!
(Learn about living for the 20% in motherhood here or the freedom and responsibilities of screen time)
